One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her.

2 Samuel 11: 2-3a (NIV)

King David had great power, and he used it to seduce Bathsheba and to have her husband Uriah killed. Throughout human history those (mostly male) in positions of power have been behaving in a way that breaks our Covenants to care for one another.

This week we’ve heard more news about harassment allegations against Governor Andrew Cuomo. I’m holding him and his accusers in my prayers. Does that sound strange? Well, I think it’s essential to my faith to pray for them all. 

In the World, But Not OF the World

God calls us to be in the world, if not entirely of the world (meaning, to my mind, so preoccupied with it that we forget to include God in our lives). As someone in a position of privilege and power, I am constantly thinking about how I coming across to those I work with. There’s an old cliche that, “you get back from the world what you put out into it,” and I think that’s true. But there are other reasons to be careful. 

Power, by it’s very nature, creates imbalances. Those with less power, in any situation, are vulnerable to those with more power. Those with more power have a responsibility to others to use their power wisely. That’s true whether that power comes from a state, or from money, or from anywhere.

(S)he Said, (S)he Said

I don’t know what Governor Cuomo did. Only he and his accusers know the truth of that. But whenever anyone is called out the way he is being called out now, we have to stop and look into it. Furthermore, each person with power over others in the world should also stop and consider again, “How am I coming across to those I interact with? What do I say or do that attests to my privilege rather than to their hopes and dreams? Am I helping to make room for the intuition, the learning, and the agency of others around me? 

I was saddened (but not surprised) to hear of a trend in youth culture of identifying “simps.” Simps, according to one definition in the Urban Dictionary (I go look things up there so you don’t have to), are noted, “when a male is overly submissive to a female and gains nothing from it. So overly submissive that other guys cringe and feel ashamed when seeing them.” 

Masculinity: Not Inherently Bad, but Badly Used Sometimes

We have a cultural problem around the world we need to define maleness in terms of conquest, bullying and power. When males do not act in accordance with such norms, they get labeled things like “simp.” I understand that sometimes people abase themselves before others when they shouldn’t. But the fact that this term arose to call out those “submissive males” indicates that someone is policing power again. This influence never does us any good. 

In our covenants, we should seek to do or to not do things for each other in order to provide for each other’s personhood. If we have power over others, we should never use that power to coerce them into anything they don’t want to do. Furthermore, those with more power have more responsibility. Even though someone with less power may look like a willing participant in office flirtation, they may simply be acting out of self-preservation; they may be assuming that if they don’t “play along,” they may miss out on opportunities, or even lose their job. 

Romance between equals is romantic. It ceases to be romantic when someone is wielding their power over someone else. 

So How Should We Pray?

So in the end, I pray for Governor Andrew Cuomo, that he might find ways of being in the world that support and affirm others without taking advantage of them. If he has done something wrong, I pray for his contrition and his repentance. I pray for those who’ve accused him, for their personhood, and for their safety and for their careers. I pray that they are heard fully and not dismissed without a fair hearing. 

And I pray for each of us in position of power, to consider what we’re “putting out in the world,” and how we are treating those we should most value.